Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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