I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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