Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize