It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
