How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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