things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
