i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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