I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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