Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
