I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
