No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
