I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
