i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
