Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
