My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
