Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize