she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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