im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
