Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
