We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bring me that man meat
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
