I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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