It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
