I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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