Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
