a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
