i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize