i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I supernannyed him into submission
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
