i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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