dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
