How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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