I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize