This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
