My liver just broke up with me...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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