i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who died my cat blue again?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
