and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
