just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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