I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
