I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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