I want to make a zoo with you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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