i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
