69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
