What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
