I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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