I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
