I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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