I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
