real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
