oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
