I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
