Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize