Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
