omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
