Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life is so much better after having sex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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