It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
