We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
