Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
