so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
