Too much gin, very little bucket
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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