Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
