He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
