I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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