I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
