I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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