I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
