what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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