White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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