He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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