I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize