Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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