So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
