you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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