my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
