Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize