Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
