She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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