I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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