i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
