Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize