yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
