yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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