Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize