what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
