had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
