I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
