so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
