i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
