mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize