I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
