If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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