My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i out mim tonsoeep
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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