if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
