May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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