im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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