It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
