Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
