I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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