Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
