My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
