Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
